{"id":5294,"date":"2026-07-19T19:07:11","date_gmt":"2026-07-19T19:07:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bostonrelocationinsider.com\/?p=5294"},"modified":"2026-07-19T19:07:11","modified_gmt":"2026-07-19T19:07:11","slug":"i-wont-have-sex-before-marriage-how-do-i-know-if-were-compatible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bostonrelocationinsider.com\/?p=5294","title":{"rendered":"I won\u2019t have sex before marriage. How do I know if we\u2019re compatible?"},"content":{"rendered":"<article>\n<div>\n<p><span><b>Q.<\/b> I am a religious person, and in my religion we believe you <i>do not<\/i> have intimate relations until marriage. Not everyone gets to experience something before making a big decision. <\/span><\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/bostonrelocationinsider.com\/?p=5293\">\u2018The Odyssey\u2019 storms the box office with a $264.1 million global debut<\/a><\/p>\n<p><span>There are probably other signs that two people will get along, right?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><span>How do you know if you\u2019ll be compatible with the simple things, like living together and paying bills? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>How do you know if you\u2019re compatible in <i>other ways<\/i> if you\u2019re not allowed to engage in anything like that until after marriage? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>What can you look for in a person that will help you know if you are compatible in other senses \u2014 not just humor and physical attraction?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>WONDERING<\/span><\/p>\n<div><span>Related<span>: <\/span><\/span>Send your own anonymous question to Meredith.<\/div>\n<p><span><b>A.<\/b> I\u2019ll start by saying that I haven\u2019t known many people who got married before experiencing an intimate and significant courtship. You might want to seek advice from people in your community who can tell you more.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>But since you came here \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>1. Don\u2019t discount humor and attraction. They <i>are <\/i>important. Especially the humor part; if you think someone\u2019s funny, the relationship is usually much better. Attraction helps &#8230; a lot.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>2. Talk about feelings, even during supervised moments. Explain how this process scares you a bit. Find out if your companion says, \u201cNot me! I\u2019m fine!,\u201d or if they offer something more revealing, like, \u201cI\u2019m scared, too.\u201d If there\u2019s vulnerability, that\u2019s a good sign.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>3. Accept chaos. I wish I could tell you there was a way for <i>anyone<\/i> to predict future compatibility. Even if you\u2019ve lived with someone, the future is a guessing game. We don\u2019t know what will happen, and what personal skills we\u2019ll need in a relationship. Some of this is about learning along the way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>4. Keep loved ones close, because this I know for sure: It\u2019s all easier when you have a strong community. Never stop building it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/bostonrelocationinsider.com\/?p=5291\">It\u2019s Spain vs. Argentina in the World Cup final. Follow live updates.<\/a><\/p>\n<p><span>A Love Letters recommendation: listen to \u201cA Hollywood Arrangement,\u201d our podcast episode about a woman who knows her marriage will be arranged, but also wants the kind of love she\u2019s seen in Hollywood rom-coms. The story is revealing \u2014 and has a happy ending.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>MEREDITH<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><b>READERS RESPOND:<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Agree with Meredith in that getting to know someone involves exploring whether they are honest. Sex may reveal physical compatibility but it doesn\u2019t guarantee emotional compatibility.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>BKLYNMOM<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p><span>Can you talk about meaningful things with this person? Can you talk about money? Can you both compromise? How do you resolve small differences? How do you both manage your money? Does he have common sense? Do his parents run his life? So many observable things that will tell you somewhat about what it might be like to live with him.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>WIZEN<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p><span>Ask what kind of living and financial arrangements they envision for the future. One guy I dated briefly started telling me how his future wife would only cook the foods allowed on whatever fad diet he was on at the time. I knew right away that he was too controlling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>BLUEBIRD100<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p><span>I do not follow many religious restrictions, but I never date anyone without a long friendship first. And that friendship is normally based on doing something like volunteer work, which requires us to work together toward a common goal and overcome challenges to do so. It\u2019s a great way to learn about other people and myself. I wonder if this approach could be worth trying for you. At worst, you learn how YOU like to build something long-term, and how YOU prefer to overcome challenges to do so. It has led to some very wholesome romances that ended amicably only due to general life reasons, such as relocation for career goals that neither of us would force the other to give up.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>2346<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p><span>I think Meredith has the right idea here. You basically have to talk a lot. &#8230; It\u2019s sometimes hard to know how you will face something even if you have lived together, especially difficult and rare things like the death of a parent or infertility. So, talk a lot. No subject is too small or big. But also not to change your mind, but <i>do<\/i> think about why it\u2019s so important to you not to \u2026 before marriage. I always feel like this thought process tries to create something magical when practical is better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>ASH12345<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><i>Send your own relationship and dating questions to <\/i><i>loveletters@globe.com<\/i><i> or <\/i><i>fill out this form.<\/i><i> Catch new episodes of <\/i><i>Meredith Goldstein\u2019s \u201cLove Letters\u201d podcast<\/i><i> wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from <\/i><i>boston.com\/loveletters<\/i><i>.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/bostonrelocationinsider.com\/?p=5289\">Federal agents were told FBI will no longer investigate ICE confrontations<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What are some other ways to know if it\u2019s a match?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4346,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I won\u2019t have sex before marriage. 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