{"id":4347,"date":"2026-07-05T19:38:48","date_gmt":"2026-07-05T19:38:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bostonrelocationinsider.com\/?p=4347"},"modified":"2026-07-05T19:38:48","modified_gmt":"2026-07-05T19:38:48","slug":"love-letters-classics-how-to-do-a-breakup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bostonrelocationinsider.com\/?p=4347","title":{"rendered":"Love Letters Classics: How to do a breakup"},"content":{"rendered":"
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As we come out of a holiday weekend, here\u2019s one from the vault \u2014 from 2013. I still think about this question and its empathy. <\/span><\/p>\n

Read more After monthlong break, Boston Legacy FC battles back to earn a draw with Bay FC<\/a><\/p>\n

In 2026, as people ghost each other, end relationships through a DM on social media, etc., this one is nice to revisit.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

For the record, in 2026, I might change my last piece of advice. Plane tickets are very expensive, and the economy is different.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n

Q.<\/b> Dear Meredith and the LL readers\/commenters,<\/span><\/p>\n

There have been many discussions on this blog about breakups, but they seem to mostly be along the lines of whether a couple should break up and\/or how to get over a breakup. My question is about breakup etiquette.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have been both the breakup initiator and the one being broken up with, but for this discussion I am more interested in how to \u201cproperly\u201d break up with someone. People say breakups should be done in person, but in some of my past breakups this almost seemed to cause more harm than good. <\/span><\/p>\n

What if it is a long-distance relationship? Do you have your significant other drive\/fly X number of hours to you just to break up with them in person? Or spend X number of hours and dollars to travel to them?<\/span><\/p>\n

People also say you should avoid blindsiding someone with a breakup. How do you really continue a relationship if you behave in a manner that would indicate to your significant other that you aren\u2019t happy? Or, if you tell your significant other that you have some doubts but want to see how things progress, how is he\/she supposed to deal with that and move on in a constructive manner?<\/span><\/p>\n

My current situation is that I am going to break up w my boyfriend of eight months. We have known each other for almost six years and he is 100 percent into this relationship \u2014 wants to move in together, get married, and live happily ever after. From the beginning, I was more reserved and said I wanted to take things slow and see what developed. There have been good times and bad with us, but for me, I don\u2019t see it working out. <\/span><\/p>\n

While I believe he knows I am on a different page, I don\u2019t think he is expecting me to break up with him (here we go with the blindsiding). Do I wait a couple weeks to pull away a bit, explain that I am not sure what I want (even though I already know this isn\u2019t working for me), if only to give him some adjustment time for what is coming? Or do I just have the talk with him now and break it off \u2014 thereby blindsiding him? I know it\u2019s not nice to lead someone on when you already know the end is coming, but it\u2019s not nice to pull the rug out from underneath a person either. I want to do the \u201cright\u201d thing, but the gray areas keep getting in my way.<\/span><\/p>\n

BREAKER-UPPER IN MASS.<\/span><\/p>\n

Related: <\/span><\/span>Try the Love Letters podcast. <\/div>\n

A.<\/b> There\u2019s no one perfect way to end a relationship. All you can do is be honest throughout the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t tell someone you love them when you only like them a lot. Don\u2019t let someone talk about marriage for 20 minutes if you know that\u2019s never going to happen.<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Trump administration rolls back dozens of gun regulations<\/a><\/p>\n

And when it\u2019s time to break up, make it a discussion. You can say, \u201cAfter eight months, I\u2019m sure this isn\u2019t what I want for the future. I feel awful about that, but I need to be clear. I enjoy your company but I don\u2019t want to waste your time.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

In a dream world he\u2019d respond, \u201cWow. Thanks for that honesty. Let\u2019s break up!\u201d In the real world he\u2019ll probably fight the breakup and come up with ideas to make things work, but if you continue to explain that you\u2019re sure about how you feel, separating will become the only logical option.<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t believe in pulling the rug out from underneath anyone, but it\u2019s hard to see the rug if you\u2019re in love, even in the worst relationships. You say he understands that you\u2019re not on the same page. That should be enough of a warning.<\/span><\/p>\n

He\u2019ll be upset, and you\u2019ll probably feel like you did the breakup wrong. But unless you\u2019ve been lying about your feelings for eight months, there is no wrong here. He might be angry and miserable and confused, but that doesn\u2019t mean your protocol was off. Breakups are often terrible \u2014 just because they\u2019re breakups.<\/span><\/p>\n

For the record, I <\/i>think casual long-distance relationships can be ended over the phone. If you\u2019re ending a significant long-distance relationship, initiate the breakup discussion over the phone and continue talking in person. The breaker-upper should do the traveling and prepare to pay for an expensive, last-minute ticket home.<\/span><\/p>\n

MEREDITH<\/span><\/p>\n

Related: <\/span><\/span>Send your own question to Love Letters. It’s anonymous.<\/div>\n

READERS RESPOND:<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n

The only etiquette rule is to treat the other person as a human being who has feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

BIGSIGH<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n

What Meredith said \u2026 except I\u2019m not sure about traveling for the break-up. That I think you\u2019d have to play by ear.<\/span><\/p>\n

PRCNWBRO<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n

The long-distance part is a conundrum. You feel like a jerk if you do the breakup over the phone, but on the other hand, you get off the plane, she (or he) is excited to see you, and you know the bomb is ready to drop. I don\u2019t know if there\u2019s an easy answer, but the one time I was in that position I did make the trip, had the conversation, then turned right around and went home.<\/span><\/p>\n

FINNFANN<\/span><\/p>\n

Send your own relationship and dating questions to <\/i>loveletters@globe.com<\/i> or <\/i>fill out this form.<\/i> Catch new episodes of <\/i>Meredith Goldstein\u2019s \u201cLove Letters\u201d podcast<\/i> wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from <\/i>boston.com\/loveletters<\/i>.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Sign up for the Food & Dining email<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m breaking up with someone long-distance. 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